Irk and Smirk

The scattering scenes flashed,

Of all the dreams that were crashed,

Pictured all the moments that were snatched.





Brusque was the butchering,

The pieces failed to be put together even after lot of panicking.

The catastrophic past still remains the reason,

For eyes becoming moist, heart and soul crying in unison.





The trauma still speaks out aloud,

With some impromptu occurrences still rendering me speechless,

When I'm left with something that remains unseen to the crowd.

The memories mar my mind, with convulsions making me senseless.





The betrayal had such an impact on the mind,

Insecurity and fear were available in every kind.





Rebuilding the world with a bond and a lifeline called hope,

Triumphal phoenix rose, trying to cope.

The first flush of exultation was actually a paradox,

To rise and live again was taught by a coax.





Attachment and emotions were put on a trial,

Who knew that the euphoria was to last only for a while.

The sheer stab on trust and it was all over.

The eyes again became moist which once used to rover.





Thinking and wondering, I began to hum and haw,

Because present painted the same fresco what in past I saw.

Leave behind the clutches and live with no strings attached,

You own no one, put it in your mind scratched!

Panorama

Well, the title to this post had be pre-decided a week ago when I had absolutely no idea that what this post would be about. But I guess the start to my week has been grateful enough to lend it its contents.

From opening the eyes and engulfing the first ray of the sun for the day to shutting the eyes absorbing all the rays of the day, so entangled in our mesh of thoughts! From fighting to tick all the bullets of to-do lists to finding ever so useless answers the common childhood exam questions which no longer are awarded marks in our real life - 'Who said to whom?'. Amongst everything, we just fail to realize the old-age inevitable truth of all times, 'Life is unpredictable'. So whimsical and fickle. And that so is true. Using all these adjectives here, I don't mean that life has surprises and shocks to offer but today look at it with another perspective. You never know when it offers you the biggest surprise and shock, an oxymoron of all times, plan your meeting with the dreaded dragon of 'Death'. What might pain more is when you see this, keeping your loved ones as the subject. I guess, losing them would be more painful! How selfless, no? One person leaves the world, he forces millions of other people to lose a part of themselves with him. The unending cries, the unforgettable moments, the umpteenth memories, these are all what you are left with. And after all, closer to heart are all those feelings that we try to repress and forget. If we're far away from the person we love and miss, everyone we pass in street reminds us of them. But still, knowing all this, we can never 'prepare' ourselves for the inevitable. Can we? Even the person on the death bed is consoled by the doctor by showing him a ray of hope, a ray of life. The endless prayers that the family members and friends keeping on doing and chanting so as to do simply anything in the world but to save him. It so is the irony and agony of life. But the leash of the dragon is only controlled by 'One'. All efforts and tries may just fade away giving way to the ocean of endless sadness and just the memories to live and cope with. All the calls that were cut so as to attend to them later on, all the meetings left unattended, all the words left unspoken, all the deeds undone will so remain like that and forever.

We might say numerous things, be brave like anything to fight the whole world but still this mortality of life is something which can even make the most powerful person to bow down in front of it. Leave behind all the tiny grudges. Feel yourself to be so lucky to have your loved ones still around you. To love you and to be loved. Love more people than the number of them you hate, life would surely be better and panorama of a perfect life is what you'll experience and adore!

P.S.-What the eyes don't see, the heart doesn't grieve over.

Musings and Jottings

'Really important meetings are planned by the souls long before the bodies see each other.

Generally speaking, these meetings occur when we reach a limit, when we need to die and be reborn emotionally'

Words really fascinate me. Specially the words which bead themselves into some unique sentences that form an image in my mind. The image to which I can relate an entire phase of my life. There is some point in life when everything seems not working yet life appears to be smooth. Imagine a cliché situation: 'You meet someone. You become friends. You don't even realize when you people get along so well that each one of you becomes an integral part of each other's life.'

Happens with almost everyone. But does everyone actually realize the real maze of these special meetings? I don't think so. The real clarity of life comes when we pay heed to such small happenings of our life. It's like some guests come in your life, stay there, make their presence felt, alter your thinking in their own subtle way. It can't be explained. It just occurs. You don't really need to think about how to do it or so, because it will occur automatically, if you just streamline your thoughts in a particular direction. And I really believe so. You won't even come to know when your thoughts may turn themselves into reality. So always thank God for 'that accidental' tryst with such people in your life. As it goes: Life always waits for some crisis to occur before revealing itself at its most brilliant.

P.S.- It's good to be confused sometimes.

*Back to Pavilion*

High! Happy New Year, Euphoria! :) May each of the reader has a scintillating 2-0-1-1, full of euphoria like never before. :) Anyway, I gave a kick start to my new year in dilwalon ki Dilli! :) Forget marijuana, just the mere feel of being in that city gives you a high! Whao! :)

The visit to Adventure Island is what I'd like to describe. God!!! That was one heck of fun time that we had over there. It was so awesome to be a child again. The goosebumps when the most dangerous ride there would just turn you upside down at the highest point and keep you there for like 15 seconds. I tell you!! Those 15 seconds were like breath-taking and mind-shifting. All I could think of at one moment was just one thing, what if this belt broke open! And the other moment I was like, I'm surely going to take this ride again. :p Further, the bowling session at GIP, Noida was one thing that I'll never forget. No matter how much lighter ball I might choose, that useless ball still kept on sliding onto the side rails. What the hell! x( Still, the fun I had could not be compared to anything! :)

"Fogged" UCoE

So after all the spicy Dilli ki masti, I was back!! And hence started the college. Thick fog, zero visibility are some of the keywords that I'll pick up if I plan to describe the panorama. The sheer thought of that day elevates my thoughts and puts me in a wonderful mood. And a perfect long walk on that perfect same road on a perfect chilly day, what a feel! :) As none of my friends had arrived yet so I carried on with my fun, photography! ;) Captured the view of college building in this "new year". :p Nothing was visible but it was fun. Then moving on further here I was, to give yet another semester, a kick start. Music gave me a nice company. And rather that was the only thing that was helping me to keep the positivity and smile on. Because I knew, as time would pass, in spite of we having our time tables, no classes and stuff would be there. And as a result, I'd be bugged up as shit!

One hour passed and still my position as per some geostationary satellite spotting me from outer space wouldn't have changed even a single bit. :D

And hence I was back to pavilion! :D

P.S.- Patiala has made me a smoker. Courtesy: Fog! :D

~Strings Attached~

With just a few days past Christmas and New Year around the corner, everybody is busy jotting down their so-called 'New-Year Resolutions'. But what is all this hype about? Do we really keep a track of them? Or do they become just another to-do list pinned up on the soft board of your room? Well, as per me, I'm too lazy to think of any resolutions. Left behind accomplishing them!! :D Frankly there isn't a tad excitement about new year except that I'll have to replace a 'zero' with 'one' as I'll write the date next year. That'll be the only change and the only difference. :) And I think this will be the last time I'll be catching up with my blog this year until and unless I have got something really exciting to pen down.



Anyway, so as per the title of the post this time, let me get onto the point. With winters vacations on and everyone lazing around miles away from college, I've got no plans for any vacation. And it's good to be home, for a change. With most of my friends chilling around and enjoying thoroughly at their respective vacation spots, spread over the entire India, it's awesome to be in touch with them. The constant calls and texts from them give me the feeling that they still remember me wherever they are. A cliché thing but still it is such a feel-good factor to experience the strings of attachment that we've amongst us.



Bangalore, Mumbai and Goa are the three places that I've visited this winter over the phone! :D My day dawned with the call from my best friend in Bangalore explaining me about the serene ambiance of the Art Of Living Ashram and the activities going on there. The seva done and the hours spent on meditation and yoga. Two hours later, another call from Goa spiced up my day, virtually taking me there to the unbeatable beaches and the colourful place full of party air. Then my friend explained of the French conversation that she had with the French people there. And I tell you! Her excitement was flabbergasting. This energy took a higher flight with the inclusion of wine that her Dad gifted her there. :)  Few hours later, I was in Mumbai, stuck up in the traffic, making my way back home. Not grumbling for the time the car was taking to move slowly and gradually rather happy to be the part of  bole toh Mumbaikar hush-rush!

WOW. Feels so good to travel to so many places! :p Apart from travelling, I've been able to catch up with my reading. With weather being what I totally love, I finished with 'A Thousand Splendid Suns', now I'm onto 'The Alchemist'. :)  Aren't the holidays fun? :)

Bonne Anniversaire!!

Happy Birthday Mom

23rd Décembre : The day when my life's First Lady was born. Cheers to the lady to whom I owe my existence to. My Mom! Happy Birthday Mom! :) Well, isn't it the case with everyone of us? That one lady means the world to each one of us. But for me, she's the only person who deserves, preserves and conserves all the respect in my eyes.

The most awesome feeling in the world is to realize that you are hers as much she is yours. When you are introduced to the outside world by her as, "She is MY Daughter." :) Plus when you know that whatever may be the matter, you will always have her by your side. Isn't this a sufficient blessing from God?

In spite of a single-parent, what she has done, the love given, the traditions inculcated, the bringing up- I simply salute her. :)

No sugar coated words, this one simply goes out for her, I love you Mom! :)

P.S.- Coincidentally I discovered my new love for Ghazals. Mom loves them. So it was in a way a Ghazal day for me! :D

Rich-Wish!!

Eavesdropped a story being discussed in the living room today eve. Can't clearly say that I was touched by it. But yeah, I could rather see a part of each one of us in it. Be it about the family, friends or the world. How everyone tries to carve a niche for himself. And if failing, which form do those wishes take

to come out. Anyways, my views apart, here's the story. Read it and form a view for yourself.

One fine day when students had completed their class work, their teacher gave them a particular task. The students were asked to write a letter to God and mention the things they want. Whatever it may be. Be it shoes, clothes, cars, bungalows or anything. But they had to be specific with it. At the end of the lecture, the teacher collected all the letters. Took them home. Started reviewing all the wishes of the children of her class. Impromp

tu, she started crying reading one of the similar looking but unique letters. Upon being asked by her husband, she let him read the whole letter. It read as follows :

"Dear God,

I just want to be the television of my home. I just want that when Dad comes back from work, he should take out time to be with me. When Mom is angry or sad, she shouldn't sideline me rather be with me to cheer herself up. My brothers and sisters should fight with one another to have my remote and watch me what I am doing. Howsoever, busy anyone in the family might be, but they should rearrange their priorities and find some time of their day to be with just-me, listen carefully to what I say, see what I do, laugh at my silly acts, enjoy my company."

Reading this, her husband just drops the letter on the table, commenting, "Oh, pity that child! What kind of parents does he have?" And he walks away. The wife says, "It's our child's."

Potpourri

Dinner@ Chownki Dhaani

Euphoria, as of now, has been lacking attention from my end, courtesy to my great love for multitasking and recently travelling too. It's so cool to travel to various places, specially when this phase comes in my life after long. Well, Jaipur and Delhi trips are what I'll be targeting in this post of mine. The month of September was the time to hit the ravishing and vibrant city of Jaipur. Thanks to our fellow mates who finally managed to make the college authorities agree for the trip. The trip, UNexpectedly was quite well organized but was fairly jinxed for me atleast. With my N97 pathetically failing to get used to the environment of Rajasthan, didn't work there. Plus I got a severe eye infection. Which lead to the spread of a rumour of eye flu (as it was a disease-fashion those days :p) and I was kept away from some not-worth-mentioning things. Keeping up with the pain and irritation, a visit to a famous place there, Chownki Dhani, made me forget about it and I actually got mingled in the sparkling jazz of the city. The place was one heck of a memorable places that I'll say, everyone SHOULD and MUST visit. The wonderful portrayal of their culture and the warmth with which they treated us was like WOW. Experienced camel ride for the first time, had heart full of their staple food. What'll be greater for a foodie like me? :p Plus the picturesque views of Aravali hills simply took my and my camera's breath away! :)

IIT D

Then showered the MSTs. So unwelcomed? :( Whatever. Wrapped them up to give a way to some greater times ahead. Preparations started for the coming up fest of IIT Delhi, Rendezvous, 2010. And I tell you, during this time, views changed. Rather changed many a times but finally I'd say, being associated with the dramatic club of my college would be another best thing of my college world. It was so much fun during practices. Learning, pulling legs, gossiping, managing, teaching and what not. And specially when you are one of the senior most in the group, u gotta get a great feel. :D On the serious note, preparing for the competition there was great too.

Hence, the month of October witnessed the Delhi trip. The trip to IIT D. Well, here I'd like to mention the very famous law of attraction. It's said that whatever you keep on thinking and wanting, gets pulled to you! Quite a similar thing happened in this case. :) Believe it or not but during past few months, one side of my brain had it's string attached to this place and its people. Been following some the famous people associated to IIT D and hence most of my talks included this. Who knew that one day I'll too get to see that supreme place. To actually see, what all the hype is about?! Coming back, the trip was an awesome fun. Didn't win. But still, as a friend said, "Never a failure, always a learning". And so it was. :) Then the

visit to breathtaking mall, Select City Walk, was simply an icing on the already yummy cake. :) Enjoyed like hell there. Phew! Finally, after a wonderfully tiring day, back to pavilion, we boarded the bus back to Patiala. Here I'd like to mention the incredible night journeys. While going, by train and while coming back by bus. It was so terrific to catch up with music while enjoying the trees and other landscape rushing past by. :)

Noughts and Crosses!

Well, this blog will be quite a flip-side as compared to my last one. Many things to pen down for the day. With a frenzy friday giving a kick start to the weekend and no college tomorrow, it is time to call it a week. :)



Our life is simply like a noughts and crosses board. The moment we strike for our three noughts or crosses in the row, we hit a bullseye! Score! :) But the main problem is to reach that milestone. We keep fiddling our way through that and hence get entangled in our self created web. What I basically do in my life is, very carefully put a nought/cross at the place when my turn comes (with an apprehension). And then step by step try to hit the bullseye. But, as usual, it isn't that easy as it looks. Anyways, much of an overview. Let me get onto some feelings level. Regarding friends and friendship. Some things I observed :

• No matter how much close friends are, at some point of time, they may prick you.


• Whatever you may do, they still will remain as 'a different indiviual'.


• Ego and selfish-ness DOES come in between.

In clear words, I've been able to write all this after an oh-so-bumpy week with 4 outta 6 of my friends. Friends whom I would say- "My World". They portrayed one or the other above mentioned points. With someone criticizing everything about me, backstabbing me or being ignorant when I needed a I-speak-you-don't-question session. Though this is nothing new for me but when all this actually happened at once, I felt tremors. Tremors which made me realize my indiviuality. Which lightened up the long lost and forgotten fact that we gotta face this world ALONE. May be I'm too at fault or so but for now, even after trying hard, my noughts and crosses aren't finding the way to settle in.

P.S. : Don't attach yourself to someone so much that when they take a backseat in your life, you feel helpless! Stay happy! Stay Blessed! :)

A Glimpse!

Well well well, the past week has really been an exciting one. And now sitting in front of my laptop in my room with alphabets pouring on the screen as per my wish is no less than heaven! :) The last weekend gave a kickstart to this fabulous week. On my journey to Chandigarh sans any companion, my best co-traveller gave me the best time. A book.


With a book been added to my, books-I've read list, I feel happy and richer. :) Finished with a page-turner novel, The Kite Runner by Khaled Hosseini. A great book by many measures is full of themes that touch all humanity- love, friendship, redemption, cruelty. Totally gave me a wow feel. The Kite Runner looks at how the main character, Amir, deals with a secret in his past and how that secret shaped who he became. It tells of Amir's childhood friendship with Hassan, his relationship with his father and growing up in a privileged place in society. I was drawn in by Amir's voice. I sympathized with him, cheered for him and felt angry with him at different points. Similarly, I became attached to Hassan and Soraya too. The characters became real to me, and it was difficult for me to put the book down and leave their world. Amir, being a writer, as the story unfolds, has been the one who caught my immense admiration at some point of time. Specially the first story that he wrote really made me go ":o". His past and present thoughts were wonderfully beaded into words. The story goes as:

There was a poor man and incidently he found some kinda magic lamp. And whenever the tear dropped into that magic lamp, they turned into pearls. Usually the man was a happy-go-lucky person. But when he discovered about this magic secret, he started "using" it. The story ended with the poor turned super rich man, richly dressed with a knife in his hand and crying over his wife's dead body.

To this, when his friend Hassan heard it, he asked Amir about why was the misery depicted by his wife's death, although tears can also be produced by onions! Amir was stunned and so was I. Amir writing had this element because of absence of his father's wife in his life. To this, I realized, writing truly helps to take out inner feelings which might not even have be approached so far.

Continuing, another of the few best and touching lines I came across while my journey of Amir's life was:

"There are a lot of children in Afghanistan, but little childhood."

Reading this, I actually got an insight of what actually happened during Taliban period and the situation in Pakistan. And another quote that truly is linked up with this novel would be none other than :

"For you, a thousand times over."

It has been beautifully used at two different places in the book. While being echoed many a times. Gives a real essence of love and care.

And hence tryst with Amir and Hassan went pretty well. Following the trend, didn't think of anything except the book for a couple of days. That was exactly how my week started. The kick start was inevitably great! :) Same routine followed. Less classes and hence I devoted much of my time to friends. Love the connections to be at peace. :) Creative sector was nutured, preparing gift for a friend and hence loved putting in an effort. Eagerly waiting to discover more "Best days of My life". :)

Thoughts finally find words!

This eve as I click on this "new post" button, I really have no idea, what am I gonna write? Many random thoughts that have, for long waited in the queue to be put into words. Anyways, firstly, 'je suis heureux' (I'm happy) because I successfully finished the third and last exam of my one year certificate course in the 'belle langue' (lovely language) of French! Really satisfying to see my known-languages-list expanding with one more precious member been added. :)

But as I proceed onto with this wow feeling in my life, there is something that has been lost in the past one year. As I got busy in creating my cute little world, full of friends, admirers and a long list of oh-so-important acquaintances, I lost a vital part of my earlier, dear-to-heart world. That now seems to be covered with some hasty and vacuous clouds. And this guilt is probably the reason for my sadness nowadays. This long lost connection with the earlier sweet world consisted being closer to MY-SELF and my family. In this race of winning hearts, I lost in touch with my own heart. I have almost forgotten it now. And the worst part is, neither did I win many hearts. Now, as I notice, I have started thinking with a hope to come out with something funny or witty or extraordinary so that people 'like' it or appreciate it. The mere way of my thinking is now being governed by how others respond to it, which is what is disconnecting it from my self. This attitude, in turn, frequently, rather very frequently throws me into a pool of GFN (Good-For-Nothing) and not-worth-for-anything stuff. Probably because now I judge myself by the standards as set by others, failing to realize, is it even right to give some blah blah people to judge MY life? Diminished and slowly lost contact with all the things that really please the inner "me"! :(

Writing and reading used to be my best past-time activities and now the time has come when I shamefully have to admit- Yes, I haven't read a good novel in a past couple of months! :( Writing- one thing where my heart and soul lies. Lame but this is the only answer to my inner consciousness' question- "I don't get time!" God! Do we really have to FIND time "to do" things that give us pleasure or should they be on the premier position of our priority list? And actually when I write, I internally feel happy! As I'm now! :) Well, as I proceed with my blog, I actually find the back-answers to all the lame reasoning that has been my support system lately. Being surrounded by mobile phones and facebook, all available at my fingertips just for the heck of some silly on-the-spur enjoyment and establishing contacts, I've actually lost contact with the supreme power too. Yet again most shamefully, I admit- I've been quite recently skipping my prayers. Coming and going of guilt has been now a common thing now. Though, thanks to Almighty, His blessings and faith is always there with me. But why the hell does this faith find its path through prayers only on exam and special days? This thing is actually responsible for the void.

And there is particularly no one to blame. It's just ME, who changed the drift of life, changing the priorities, basking in those not-so-lasting happy memos which really used to give me satisfaction! And I really don't know, how far will the life and my thinking change from now on! But at least, now whenever, I again begin to give some useless reason to anything, I'll surely be reminded of what my heart spoke out today! Isn't it that the real celebration in life begins when I'm closer to three people in the world- God, Me and Myself! :) So it's never to late, to reopen the closed gate!

Some very beautiful words mentioned in equally beautiful song - Human by The Killers

Close your eyes, clear your heart
Cut the cord
Are we human or are we dancer?

And truly, clearly analysing the words, makes me feel that I actually made myself dance on the tunes of this air headed and shallow world instead of making it dance to the tunes of the Creator! Hope to get back to the track, though it's difficult to shape the life and thinking in totally different way because now my definition of happiness and bliss is as per this "new" but "old" world (of course, it has been with me since two years now). Keeping my fingers crossed and hoping that really some angel or fairy with a good soul is sitting besides my laptop reading this, helps me out in filtering and clearing out my life! :)