About time.

I start writing this as I just end up reading an article that mentions, how writing may not be a solution to your low moments. But it at least, lets you be your bare self amidst the shiny world. And I guess, on most days, that's enough.

So here I am, mourning, hurting on losing a friend. I'll take the liberty of calling him a friend because I remember, having a warm conversation with him at Pune airport, he is a fellow Toastmaster, and he has always inspired me with his infectious, positive energy. Isn't that what friends essentially do? But maybe he wasn't a friend and just another fellow human. Because he was somebody, I didn't know enough about but always wanted to. He was somebody I wanted to work closely with. He was somebody I knew, I could learn something from. Isn't that what describes just another fellow human? 

Or maybe he wasn't anything of this. But someone special. Because his death is what bonded us.

My week started of with a terrible news of a fellow Toastmaster meeting with an accident and dying. From shock to denial to sadness to acceptance is what I have gone through since yesterday. Or maybe am still going through.

He was somebody who I had first seen from a distance and heard him speak at a Toastmasters event. You know there are certain people who you meet for the very first time in your life and you're sure that they are going to make it great. And what happens when they suddenly vanish? There is no more of them? They're just gone from the face of earth? What do you do?

Shattered, clueless and helpless, I reached out to social media, holding onto the brink of hope that all of this may just be a sadist prank or a gory whatsapp forward. Or the name that has been mistaken. 

Shocked, terrified I see Facebook being flooded with condolences, memories and words of appreciation for him. 

As the world mourns for this 28 year old, I question a lot of things. I question the laws of the world, the laws of nature, fair and unfair. I question people expressing love once he's gone. I question how weak I am. Or maybe how strong my empathy is. While my mind has been wrecked with what-would-have-been-s and my heart mourns, I just continue to pray. 

For the people who've felt this stab far more brutally than maybe I have. For people who'd miss him in the moments that I or any of the just fellow human beings did not even experience with him. For the ones who would move from shock to accepting this news in the times to follow, I just pray for more strength and courage for you. 

And you, Leo, this may have been about time for you to be in heaven but I'm sure you continue to live here. And know that even by going, you've taught each one of us. A lot.