Bittersweet Goodbyes.

I had been anticipating this for a long time. I had pictured how rosy it'll all be like. More than being rosy, I'd say liberating. But the moment he said, "Tuesday would be the last!", my heart skipped a beat.


With countable number of days left in my current project, it's time for the bittersweet goodbyes. My desk, my cubicle, my drawer, my white board, some of the many things that have a part of me in them. I sit back, look at them in the awe thinking of all those ugly Mondays when I hated coming to them and all those happy Fridays when I merrily bid them goodbye until the following week.


I look at the beautiful landscape to my right separated from me by a vast glass of the building, I look at the coffee mugs at my desk, I look at the conference room door that I always have faced sitting on my chair, I look around. The few things that I so badly wanted to get rid of, now when the time creeps closer, these lifeless things seem to be full of emotions. Personified humans speaking volumes to me. Telling me tales of past. In hindsight, don't we ignore the blue days and reminisce about the brighter ones? Oh, sweet life!


For now, let's skip mentioning the people who are/were/have been the part of this scene. Because I guess, people are ephemeral, they kept moving on as I stayed here for almost 2 years now.


What made me stick to it? What makes me move on? What makes me feel this tinge of sadness when this is what I wanted, all the while?


I'm losing a job. For I've found a career. :)

Unplug, Unwind and Energize.

Yesterday evening was special. It was a Wednesday, I went to the weekly Toastmaster's meeting and gave my Project 2 of Competent Communicator manual. Though I messed up a bit and wasn't satisfied by myself but as a friend said, 'You're too hard on yourself!' So, I'm going to cut myself some slack and bask in the glory of giving a considerably good speech, getting the 'Best Speaker Award' for the evening and receiving all the love being bestowed on me for a while. Here's the draft of what I spoke:

"I’m on my way back from office. It’s 11PM in the evening. No, I don’t work in afternoon shift. My day very well began at 8:30 in the morning. In spite of all these efforts, my manager still feels that I’m not putting in sufficient amount of effort. To top it all, it’s a Saturday, I’m stuck in Hinjewadi traffic and I’m terribly hungry. My Mom calls. I’m reminded of home. And of course, the home cooked food. She said: I’m going for a meditation vacation to Rishikesh. And I want you to come along.

Amongst all that hustle bustle, meditation would be the last thing I’d excitedly say a yes to. But out of what she said, only one word made sense. Vacation…..and I so needed one!

A very good evening fellow Toastmasters and dear guests.

So, in the month of July, I went for this vacation to Rishikesh. I don’t know what my friends expect of me but they had blatantly assumed that it would be for some wild river rafting or a camping trip. What happened just after I mentioned that I was going for a meditation retreat to Rishikesh, gave me….my P2 speech. :P

Some of the reactions that I faced were:

“Whaaaaattt?? Have you really gone down the way of meditation?”

“You? You of all the people would keep your mouth shut and meditate?”

There was another friend who even told me, “You know what, meditation is only for hippies and freaks. It’s sheer nonsense.”

But post the vacation, I’m glad, I could go there. Not because I got to click posy pictures with Ganga, the holy Ganga flowing in the background and boast about it on Facebook. I mean, yeah, that’s one part of it. What else are vacations for?

But apart from all of that, I did what I went there to do. To unplug, unwind and energize. Of course, there wasn’t any magic potion that helped me do all of it in 5 days. But an entire structured process to help me come out of Monday morning hangover, with all due respect, to help me tackle my manager, in a much calmer way though. All in all, it helped me wash away my office diaries. 

No surprises. Our work lives are stressful. Eight in 10 of us are stressed at work. A moment of silence for those unsung heroes of our generation who do not wait for Friday-s. It’s so so easy to be consumed by the details of our lives, to be impressed with the technology of our own society, to get lost in the business and busyness of our ways.. But it’s like, when we move so fast, we miss so much.

And apart from all those trivial things, I had another specific reason. I had recently lost a loved one. And the pain was extremely excruciating. The moments of remembering and missing them felt as if I was diving through a black hole of no return. And I was time and again reminded of it when I was at the retreat, cut off from social media and just being with myself. But the first step of stepping out of that darkness began with reclaiming those few moments of silent inner connection every day. It was all about reminding myself to let go of the things I cannot control. Those few minutes to find peace within. 

I’d always thought I was too hyper to meditate. Of course, calm is not a state that we usually experience every day. But what I learnt was, mind is like a muscle. It responds to consistent practice. During those five days, I used to..err I was made to sit in a guided meditation practice for between 10 to 15 minutes, two times a day. As directed, the goal wasn’t to control my thoughts. It was in fact to stop letting them control me.

And, it wasn’t like I went there and in the first round of meditation felt, “Eureka! I’ve figured life out?!” But slowly and gradually, what I felt was, meditation is about emptying yourself. Paradoxically, meditation is not about gaining. It’s about losing. Losing much of all you’ve been holding onto. And at any rate, it’s liberating.

If you think, just like I did, that you can’t do it because your mind is too busy or you don’t have time for this, welcome to the human condition. No one really cares if you have 17 children and five jobs. Everyone’s mind is out of control. It if weren’t, no one would ever need meditation. And I’m sure you have five minutes to confront that voice in your head.. 

Just sit. Focus on your breath, and when your brain loses focus, you start over, and over and over. And I believe, if as little as five to 10 minutes of your day can change your life, start today! 

Of course, this all was rosy enough when I was learning this art in a posh hotel with Ganga flowing by the side and it was a vacation. I don’t expect you to go home, lock up yourself in a room and start to meditate but yes, if you relate to even a bit of what I said, I’m sure you can try and sit and just be with yourself for 5 minutes of your day.

Join me! Unplug, unwind and energize."

Junie.

"Your twenties are your 'selfish' years. It is a decade to immerse your self in every single thing possible. Be selfish with your time, and all the aspects of you. Tinker with shit, travel, explore, love a lot, love a little, and never touch the ground." - Kyoko Escamilia.

With the most special month making its presence felt, I'm all glee. My sister started uploading daily posts on Instagram, dedicated to each day of this month. Every post featured the most important people of my life and my special bonding with them. It is sweet how you get showered with an extra serving of love simply because it's June. The other day I got back from office at around 11 in the night and my friend consoled me saying, 'I feel like killing your manager. How can he make you stay in the office. It's June. Duh!' A fair enough reason to give me a big big smile. Who wouldn't feel great with all that paparazzi? I'm lucky.

Though this is an every year affair, what makes it all the more special this time is, I turn 25. Woah woah! What a huge number. There is something quirky about this age. I realize as I creep closer to the day. If I look back, none of the current thoughts were on my mind last birthday. As I approach the dreaded mid twenties, so many forces around me have made me feel that it's the high time I've remained happily unmarried. Just when I give in to that thought, the free spirited Gemini in me would revolt. Revolt like a warrior. And I end up being the poor soul swinging between the two.

Talking of this swinging poor soul who's also aging and getting old, let me not mention those moments when heavyhearted pricking of the new grey strands of hair happens. Old age, alas!

Okay, enough sadness! I'd say there's a brighter side too. From being sure about the shape of pasta to the right amount of sugar in my cappuccino. From being even more specific about the fragrances I won't ever wear to the kind of bullshit I won't let myself to get affected by. I could go on with a list of such from-to combinations but isn't it enough knowledge to have gained in the span of 25 years?! Sanity, I remind myself. So, I'd say with age, I've become surer of my choices, my people, my
decisions. I'm now a firm believer that this is what life is all about -- figuring it out. Adapting. Changing. Discovering. Dreaming. Trying. Failing. Trying again.

So this year, besides dealing with my quarter life crises that includes the serious stuff like finances, relationships and career, I'd make sure to focus and spend my energies in discovering the places in the world where I'll be honoured and loved for who I am. I'll find them. Create them.

Love and light!

Under a starry moonlit sky..

Toastmasters, probably one of those things that keeps me sane at work. I took my first baby step by taking P1 out of my Competent Communication manual. It was about me, what my life has been till now. Here's what got a me a standing ovation:

"Thank you Toastmaster.

Good evening fellow toastmasters and dear guests. I am Aman, something I am not too fond of being addressed as. Because I come from a place where if you call out that name, there would be 5 heads turning around, both, boys and girls. 

I’m from a city called Patiala in Punjab. And those who’ve had Patiala pegs or worn Patiala salwars, would be able to place it. Punjab for me has always been synonymous with rich, good food and yes, I’m a foodie of the highest order. Guess, that comes from the family. My Massi (My mom’s sister) was pursuing her masters in food and nutrition while I was growing up. And most of the times, I became the guinea pig for most of her food experiments. 

Talking of my family, I’m former of the two girls born to the lady who has influenced me the most in my life. My mother. She had me when she was 21 years old, and my parents got separated when I was 7 and my sister was 4. So, I never really knew my dad like you’re supposed to know your father.

Like a lot of single moms, my mother had to struggle to work and eventually battle to work. I believe she’s really the person who instilled in me the sense of confidence and a belief that I could do anything. It took her almost ten years to get life back on track for us and of course, herself. And we watched her grind through it. And as I got older, like everyone else, I learnt from her that she wasn’t all different than me. Like me, she had her own doubts. Like me, she wasn’t always sure of the right way of doing things. And, to see her overcome tough times was very inspiring. Because that meant, I could overcome tough times too.

I still remember the time when Infosys had delayed out joining. I had just graduated and had no idea what to do with my life. I went crazy. Totally bonkers. Till the time there came an assuring voice from my Mom, ‘Go, and gather experiences!’ When I looked up to her- I knew what to do. Having completed her masters in Psychology and English, my Mom now heads the Maths Department at a school. She imbibed in me a very simple leaning that is adding dimensions to your career should be the way of life. Before I knew, I saw the best phase of my career for those 8 months. Being a citizen journalist at Times of India fulfilled my die hard dream of being a journo. And being a verbal mentor at Career Launcher made my love for language grow fonder. I was juggling between two jobs and was probably the happiest. The happiest to discover and dig into my passion. The passion to write. The passion for print media. I’ve realized, no matter how much I grow up, I still jump with joy every time I see my name in print. Probably that I why I love Toastmaster’s. It fulfills every bit of my passion.

I believe, our choices, the things we do, the things we like are all interlinked. I started writing for the sheer feeling that I used to get from reading. Thanks to the childhood habit of going to the bed, reading. With Enid Blyton giving me Noddy and toy town to make my childhood all the more colourful. JK Rowling cast some spell and Hermoine awed me all through my teenage. Later came along, Dan Brown and Khaled Hoseeini. All the while, keeping a track of me and my stories was a blog that I nurtured. I nurtured it like a baby. Still do!

Little things like these shape who you are. They really shaped me, honed my passion and drove me. And of course, gave me this wonderful opportunity to be speaking in front of you.

That’s pretty much my life story. I hope to create more of such wonderful memories and stories along my way. Because in the end, it all comes down to having a lovely life story that we tell our children under the moonlit starry sky."

Grateful.

World's favourite story-teller @Crossword

 Me: "You know what? Jeffrey Archer is in the town today!"

N: "Wow. I'm jealous. Going then?"

Me: "No, got loaded with work. Stuck in the traffic now."

N: "You're good for nothing."

This conversation at the end of a Monday like Tuesday makes me want to scream at myself and everyone around. Just how I want to when the wi-fi stops working in the middle of a long awaited Skype session. Just how I wanted to when my Team Lead demanded (at 5:30pm) for a shitty excel to be updated by EOD. I could go on with so many just-hows which most of us would resonate with. Hello, corporate biggies! 

I might not be a veteran but I have been a part of corporate culture for quite some time now. Long enough to be a wearer to know where exactly the shoe pinches. Mondays, team meetings, manager, status calls, client escalation. Some of the keywords that touch a raw nerve by their mere existence. In spite of all that, what is it that keeps a corporate tag hanging around the neck? Is it merely a 'Salary Credited' text that we await for the entire month or some appreciation e-mail from our manager? Or maybe a promotion? The answer is subjective. 

No matter how much we crib over our evening coffee breaks, we still would come to work next morning. Because there is something utterly vital that keeps us going. Something utterly important, may be, to your family if not you. Something that makes you gulp the frustration down the throat after a bad day.

So, I would say, while you let the hatred for this job drive you to find your passion, be happy and grateful for at least the time you're around. Value that 'something' and let it be the force behind being tad grateful for this tiny winy job. Thank the pricks in your team for taking your patience to an entire new level. Thank the not-so-likeminded people that made you realize how you are round pegs in square holes. Also, be grateful for the gentler ones who made you believe, no matter how bad, professional the world is, a warm human connection surpasses everything. 

Now while you pin point your different colleagues for each of the scenarios, I'd say, take some time out today, grab a cup of coffee, sit at the happiest corner of your house and prepare a 'Grateful for' list. Because as they say, be thankful, it is when grace follows. 

Losing Him.

Okay, so it has probably been the 9th time I'm opening this, typing a sentence, deleting it and logging out of Blogger. But today morning began with a promotional e-mail from Amazon with a subject, 'Today, do what you love!' and while I read through it, it was about ordering some books and nurture the love for reading. Though, I already have done my part for placing an order for some books, expected to arrive today, so I knew, I had to write something. And promised myself to not log out till I pen down a few words.

Year 2015, you haven't been that great. I lost a loved one. A loved one so close to heart that I have lost a part of me with him. So much so that, it seemed impossible to breathe even for a day on the face of Earth without him. But it was shocking at first and brutal a while later to see that the world continued. Continued in all its glory. Sun rose, flowers bloomed, stars continued to twinkle, people went to work, days passed on. And we seemed to breathe along too.

How could it happen? I questioned myself this. I questioned when I would wake up in the middle of the night, fighting nightmares and praying, I could go back to sleep. I questioned when I would look at his picture kept in my wallet, take a pause, talk to myself and shed some tears. I questioned when I stumbled upon healthy pictures of him, sparkling in the pink of his health, adding to the glory. I questioned when I had a doubt and the first thing that my mind exulted, "I'll ask him" but no sooner, the second thought cheeped in. I questioned when I looked at the date today and realized that it has been almost a month without him.

Whoever said that loss gets easier with time was a liar. Here's what really happens: The spaces between the times you miss them grow longer. Then, when you do remember to miss them again, it's still with a stabbing pain to the heart. And you have guilt. Guilt because it's been too long since you missed them last.

Nevertheless, he will forever be around. Standing silently, guiding us, doing his part as he as always done.

Forevermore!

Hello 2015. While people posted their life-changing posts during the New Year's eve, I was home and thanked the power of Universe, the power up there, for some things that didn't change. For good. For better and the best.

1. As I flew from a warm 26 degrees to bone crackling 6 degrees, it wasn't surprising to find my dog not even moving an inch to show how happy he was to see me. Or may be he wasn't. Well, that's not a question. What was fun to see, he snuggled under a series of blankets sleeping just as lazily as I had bid goodbye to him on my last home visit. He would always remain the youngest sibling amongst us. And younger ones don't grow up. Ever.

2. This vacation, first winter morning at home began with the vegetable seller shouting loudly in the wee hours of the day trying to sell 'Sarso da saag'. Instead of getting irritated, my lips curled into a smile. You don't mind sounds breaking your deep slumber if they end up giving you a ride of nostalgia down the childhood memory lane.

3. Diving into the numerous winter foods was an overall highlight of the vacation. Because when in Punjab with winter acting as the cherry on the cake, you just eat, sleep and repeat. Had I adhered to my resolutions for 2014, how would I have savored the mouth watering dishes that Mommy darling invested time in cooking. Some habits indeed die hard.

4. I have a weird fascination with the whistle train makes. Staying in Pune, all you get to hear in those few moments before falling asleep is the airplanes taking off the runway. But how can it replace the fondness for my very own sound of a chugging engine. So, it was sweet no matter how many miles I may have travelled and back, the train's whistle creating a melody brightened my day. I would never grow up. Age is, of course, just a number.

Flying away from the chic way of celebration, I was home for the New Year's. And began it in the most simple and warm way, being surrounded by loved ones, full of gratitude and feeling blessed. With old age weighing my grandparents down, I was grateful to God for granting them enough strength to fight it back. No matter how, they made it this far. A fair enough reason to begin the new year in an excited manner. Hope this year turns more moments into memories, gives more chances of after-success celebrations and more than anything, fills the air brimming with warm human connection.

Hindsight.

“Meeting a stranger can be totally fleeting and meaningless, unless you enter the individual’s world by finding out at least one thing that is meaningful to his or her life and exchange at least one genuine feeling. Tuning in to others is a circular flow: you send yourself out toward people; you receive them as they respond to you.”

Randomly stepping onto the airport some day with just a handbag, buying an airplane ticket to a place and travelling. Yeah yeah, it was one of those crazy wishes that we all have on our list. Those wishes where just the idea of them coming true are enough to lend us insane happiness.

"I want to speak to your manager. How the hell can you do that with us. She came 40 minutes prior to the flight time, I came 35." 

"Ma'am, we cannot allow you to check-in. You please go and speak at the reservation desk. Get your ticket cancelled. 20 minutes later, this ticket would be equivalent to zero." 

"Don't you have any higher authority person that I can speak to? How can you be so stubborn? None of your passengers has boarded the flight. First time with JetAirways and this is ridiculous."

Standing tall with beautiful big eyes, long hair and warm personality, she was admiringly beautiful as per Punjabi standards. She wore a pastel blue cotton silk suit with a rose gold MK watch shinning on the wrist of her left hand. I observed her as she yelled at the concerned person, there at Chandigarh Airport. While I pleaded him, she gave him even my share of bashing. A strong headed, loud and fierce Punjabi Jatti who roared and roared till they put a 'Closed' board on their counter. Ah! How we miss such fierce conversations in the far fetched land of Maharashtra, I thought to myself.

Amidst all this confusion, while one breath made me excited about extending stay at home, another would flash the dreaded face of my manager in front of my eyes and I knew I had to get back. Hence, I also tried persuading the official with full force. After the pointless discussion, a no-use-at-all spat, I rushed to check if I could find another flight to Mumbai if not Pune. While my mother stood outside the airport, observing everything yet failing to do anything for me instead of doubling the speed and intensity of her prayers, this lady called her dad and hence started another round of shouting.Yes, that's what we Punjabis do. When in doubt, shout! Sigh.

Thinking practically, I tried to figure out what could be done next. I rushed to the airline counters. Costing me a fortune, I finally had a ticket while this lady was still struggling to find a Jugaad. Punjabi, trait number 2. Irrespective of the situation, try and find Jugaad wherever you can!

‘This is the first time I’m going to Pune. Do you mind if I can accompany you from Mumbai to there? How do you go there via road? Taxi? Or bus? Actually I have never been to Pune before. I'll pay for the cab. Would you come along?’ 

She had oodles of questions. You don't have to search hard for spotting a Punjabi, especially, a woman brimming with questions to ask till she falls short of breath. I assured accompanying her which in turn assured her buying a ticket for herself and a peace of mind for me.

A little later, after the formalities, we sat in the waiting lounge. By then, her iPhone, LV bag, flawlessly royal style of carrying herself had already got a whiff of admiration from me. The moment she sat, she opened her laptop. I expected her to begin a session of online shopping or login to Skype, instead, to my utter surprise, she started coding. After having a short conversation, I came to know she was an engineer working for a US based software company. 

‘My nephew was telling me to get the ticket cancelled and postpone the plan. He is here to see us from Canada. I should've got it done. At least, I would've been saved from this sick hassle. ’ 

Pointer number four, see a Punjabi mentioning about his close/distant family living in Canada, fondly called as Kanneda and there you notice the sparkle in the eye as they talk about it. As if it’s the entire country that they own. 

Hours passed. Drawing similarities, we had gelled pretty well. We checked in, boarded the flight. Flew, changed states but one thing that continued, we kept on talking. I came to know that she was going to see her husband who is a Colonel in Army. The very moment she mentioned being an Army wife, I tried hard to concentrate on what she was saying because I just couldn’t focus, so I simply stared in her face, doing my best to hang onto sanity. 

It was quite sometime back when bowing to the Indian traditions, the family relatives start jumping and considering me as a probable daughter-in-law fitting into XYZ family. In spite of my mother agreeing to not marry me off anytime sooner, there were one after another befitting proposals coming in. To put an end to this for a while, I found a perfect escape mechanism. I stated, 'I want to marry an army officer. Talk to me next when you find one.' Annnnnd there was my peace! Having stated it without thinking about it, I didn't seem to care much. Later, even before I could realize, I got caught in my own web. With some of the friends joining Army after college, getting to meet their friends, I knew there was some alignment shift with men in uniform that made them grab-worthy. I was fascinated, mesmerized by Army men, Army wives and all that. And when this lady mentioned being one, Oh my God, all I wanted to do was snap my fingers and trade places with her.

The four hour road travel from Mumbai to Pune that I had dreaded during the former time of the day, all I now wanted was if we could stretch it a bit more. Surely a brief time is better than no time. She had loads to share, I had even more to learn. Yes, when two Punjabi-s strike the cord, there is just one thing. Endless chatter. And when it's women, I need not say more!

From sharing about her college years when she fell in love with this guy who later went ahead and joined Army as per the wishes of his family to how she struggled through the early years of being in US, it was like a pot full of things to unveil, to share and to know. 

Later, as the city drew closer with the journey coming to an end, it was nourishing to find a friendship so beautiful out of an experience so enriching. As they say, it doesn't harm you to shell out a few extra pounds if it gives you a great ride of experience!

Apostrophe.

“Punctuation is to words as cartilage is to bone, permitting articulation and bearing stress.”
― John Lennard

How do you feel when early morning, trying to disconnect from reality, humming onto the tip-toeing music number, cherishing the nature, you are walking to your building in the office and you bump into a team mate? Baaaam!! This was the only thing that you never wanted to happen. The sole thing that makes you realize, life is not that merrier as you assumed just a while ago. The weather, the day isn't that chirpy as it felt sometime back. And what follows next? The elevator trip to your floor and further to your desk would be more than enough to fill you up with the latest office gossip, something that you just didn't want to start your day with. But, sigh! That's how a 'Good Morning' sounds in our corporate world. Real world problems.

Though, this morning was a tad different. The team mate of mine asked me an English grammar doubt, thereby increasing my happiness quotient. Yes, when it's colleagues, talk to me about the language, I'll be more than glad to strike a conversation. Else, have my monosyllable replies served on a silver platter right in your face.

What propped up a question in his mind was a mailer for a team party that I'd sent last week for a tiny celebration. Yes, we celebrate when someone leaves the team. *insert the final cadence* Is it because we're happy to have him off the hook? Or for having a gathering where we get to openly state how envious we're of him as he gets to leave while we're being made to stay? Either ways, it's an occasion worth cherishing for both, the team and the person gaining freedom from it. Why? I still can't pin point onto one reason.

Anyway, the mailer's subject read: 'Tejas' farewell'. The obvious question of this team mate of mine was on the apostrophe. He asked, 'Hey! Did you forgot putting an extra 'S' in the subject that day?' Ask me how I resisted punching him in the face! No, not for the wicked smile he carried on his face thinking, he had pointed out my mistake but for that deadly usage of past tense with 'did'. Can I oblige him with an extra grammar rule apart from the one he has asked for? Oh, the enlightenment! Well, I clarified his doubt. But restrained myself from saying, 'Hey! Your grammar is wrecked. Forget Apostrophe.' and knocking him down a dark alley. 

Nevertheless, I did look up online for what exactly is the story with Apostrophe and if there are some lesser known rules around it. I stepped onto some interesting images from a website: 

http://theoatmeal.com/comics/apostrophe

Here's some of it ->


Closing the post with a quote that would force you to be careful with your grammar next time onwards:

“Be careful of your spelling, if an o can make count cunt, what it might do to you.”

On a lighter note, never underestimate the power of punctuation for that's where all our emoticons originate from! :D

The cheesy lilies.

“Don’t worry if people think you’re crazy. You are crazy. You have that kind of intoxicating insanity that lets other people dream outside of the lines and become who they’re destined to be.”
― Jennifer Elisabeth

Utterly bored in a meeting, I started scribbling on my notepad. An hour later, post the meeting, I got to hear two versions of it. A colleague, startled, came up to me and said, "Were you actually taking down the key points through that meeting? Wish even I could understand enough." And on the flip side, a friend, barging into my cubicle, "What the hell were you scribbling to keep you up through that shit? Show your notepad to me right away." I had the same answer for both of them, "Yes, I was taking down the notes." Though, needless to mention, the further responses were startlingly different. When colleagues turn into friends. Sigh.

Nevertheless, it was that very evening when someone on Instagram tagged me in his sheepishly silly post titled - 15 facts about me. I'm not a person who'll write about it on a social media website but I can seek some attention while putting  up at my favourite place, can't I?

1. 'Hate' or 'Detest' would be too harsh a word. So, I'd put it in simple way, I, pretty much, am not fond of my name. Always pushing myself to leave a trail of glitter, it isn't that great for a girl born and brought up in Punjab, for when 'Aman' is called out and you have more than one heads turning around.

2. I love fresh flowers. So much so that, there have been times when I have run out of cash to buy a roadside snack because I ended up picking flowers on my way back from work for the little vase that rests by my bedside. Doesn't the word 'lilies' in the blog title resonate with this?

3. Now when I've mentioned running out of cash, let me reveal where does most of my salary go into. Fragrances. I, not only, like collecting perfumes but also wearing them. Anything other than that has never found a place in the special corner of my dressing table. It has always been a perfume from being it a normal day at work to being some special Friday night dinner. Just the fragrance varies. And a glowing advantage of being a perfume lover is when you get to have a trip down the memory lane by just a whiff of some random perfume. Yes, I actually associate memories with fragrances.

4. After perfumes, it got to be my love for food. The word 'cheesy' in the title of this beautiful post justifies that. Obviously, I picked up my two most favourite things and here I had the title. As I say, you eat food. Then you eat some more food. You keep on eating till you get high on food. Till you just sway with the wind. Till your body feels light because of ecstasy and heavy because of umpteenth amount stuffed in your happy tummy. If you've ever closed your eyes to divulge deep into the bliss after taking the first bite of your most favourite chocolate rolls, you'd know what I'm talking about. Mmmm.

5. Family comes first. No matter what. Because I somewhere read, you never turn your back on your family, even when they do.

6. Although, I'm a girl but I trim my nails instead of filing them. During teenage, I have fought over this with my younger sister to refrain her from doing so as well. And now, she fights with me to encourage me in joining her in this but alas! Wait till you ask me to apply nail-paints. IT MAKES MY SKIN CRAWL. In caps, yes, that!

7. You start your conversation with 'Dear', I'll gladly greet you with a 'Bye'. Now, I can royally use the harsh word to put it in clear frame. I hate people who use 'dear' in their conversations. English has some better salutations. Google, will you?

8. Flawlessly using the language and leaving me with a velvety feeling, I'm all yours. Caring if you're using the present tense with a 'did' correctly, oh boy, you've won me over. Yes, correct grammar is THE criteria.

9. My mom asked me the other day, "What do you really want to do in life?"All I could figure out in these 20-something years of my stay on this planet is, all I need is a job where I am Paid-To-Talk. Yes, I cannot go without jabbering for even some hours, leave alone days. Communicating is the key to my survival. Damn you, whatsapp! IMs/texting cannot replace the power of voice. You remember the good old warm phone calls on a Sunday afternoon?

10. I might have grown up for a candy floss but I still do believe in those yellow beaked birds merrily hopping in the green gardens which give meaning to my 'One for sorrow, two for joy'. I , in real, have surprised the boys of my life by making them pause for a while, blow a kiss and say it aloud when I see a random 'joy' while walking on the road. Those of you who can connect with me on this, may you always get to see these birds in evens.

11. I have been true to my Gemini character ever since. No, I won't talk about my whims and fancies this time. Let's talk of bigger things. I love change. The idea of it is exciting. Stagnation of any form drains out the energy in me. Be it the career, a relationship or even sticking to same set of clothes for a month. But I am not that fond of transitions too. I go through some serious mental and emotional changes when even my work station or the side of the bed changes. I, sometime back, changed my place of stay in the city. And believe me, for an entire month, people could take me for a PMSing, grumbling teenage girl.

12. Spiritual or religious? I'm too young to pick either of them and abide by it but I do believe that there is a force guiding us the way through life.

13. I love multitasking. The delay in the joining of my job gave me a chance to exercise my passion and be a Citizen Journalist with ToI while being a Verbal Faculty at Career Launcher. Juggling between the two jobs, I was the happiest girl on the planet. Talking about present, being a Systems Engineer alone couldn't help me maintain my sanity. And here I was, a freelancer at CL again. Hence, it has been a while when Saturdays are the most sought after days of the week,

14. Now when I've already mentioned being brand conscious, there is something that required a special mention. Apple. Yes, I'm emotionally, technically and physically attached to my iPhone. There have been days in my life when my eyes would spark up at a mere sight of it. And getting to hold the gorgeous thing in my hand would give me days of pleasure. I still fondly remember the day, I got mine. One of the orgasmic days etched in my memory. Oh Steve Jobs, what blessing have you left us behind. All the techies, I'm in no mood for a technical debate.  It is just my sheer love for the bitten apple.

Sigh. Self-obsession much? Well, thank that dull Monday afternoon meeting that made me scribble random keywords listing down things which are a part of me. Thing that I love. Things that I yearn for. Things that are my true calling.

A place called Home.

December '13. Home visit.

Me to Mommy: If this is not heaven, then what is it?

*wraps her arms around me in a tight hug*

Mommy to Me: This is it.

Home is not a place. It's a feeling. It’s a Sunday. A day off at home. I open my eyes, lying on my bed for a long time, letting my mind wander from one memory to another. You need to remember how there have been days you felt all warm inside, like you’ve just drunk a hot cup of tea. Like a small fire has ignited of you. Hold onto the warmth and never let it go. Mentioning of the warmth, I, immediately, am transported to the place where chaos is soothing, every tiny moment is a celebration and the soul is at peace. Rhythm in steps. Harmony in heart. Symphony on streets. Only a few places have that kind of pin drop silence. And the only music to be seen or smelt is quietness. Home. The year 2014 began with a tattered sweater, getting high on the scent of home and being with family. Someone has rightly said, visiting your hometown is like visiting yourself. Oh what a luxury it was for people to hold their loved ones whenever they wanted.

Without alphabets, world would have been a better and cuter place to live in. With the arrival of the youngest angel in the family, it was fun to see even the oldest member doing crazy things just for that one smile of hers. Warm hugs, nonsensical chatter, short walks and long talks with Mom, hysterical laughter sessions - that's what sums up my home visit this December. The best month of the year in my city when everything was so cold apart from the city and the people. When even your hyperactive dog would snuggle under covers and not move an inch even if you kick his ass. I have learned that we cannot live even in heaven if it is not our hometown. Memories, mainly childhood and growing connects us to the soil, not its beauty. One can never have enough of the time spent with family. It's like the addictive weed, every whiff of it makes you want to have more. But as they say, if you want to travel in the ocean, you will have to leave the sight of the shore.
 
Making a note of the date today, I complete an entire year since I first stepped out of the house to embark a journey that least did I know could churn me from inside. Joining Infosys, Mysore as students on 18th March, 2013 and turning into colleagues of some of the greatest minds of IT industry. What happened suddenly? From an Electronics Engineer to an IT Professional, that too a Java developer. What happened suddenly? A person can spend days, weeks, months and years without feeling anything new. Then when a new door opens, a positive avalanche pours in one moment, you have nothing, the next, you have more than you can cope with.

But as Sultana beautifully puts across in Patakha Guddi, when He is there, we needn't worry. As the songs found place in the mouths and hearts of many, I had my own reasons to beam with pride. It was a pleasurable moment telling people around me how I have met and interviewed these two singers. Film industry produced two back to back hits, Highway and then Queen. Both beautiful in their own ways yet leaving an entirely different impact on the soul.

Queen. What better than a couple of your friends texting you about how they wished they had seen the movie with you. Ranjha from the same movie. Put it on if you are a brave heart and can bear the void and screeching wave of pain it brings with itself. I ain't no movie critic but the simplicity of the lyrics along with the subtle music would instantly attract you to it like RabriFaluda would lure a girl on diet. She knows it's not good for her body, yet haves it and merrily divulges in the pool of pleasure it gives. Similarly, you know it's going to make you cry like a baby yet you are tempted to listen to it.

It was after quite a while that any movie could make you experience those velvety crests and troughs. It re-emphasized how when you are at the lowest, you gather the strength to bounce back with a higher amplitude. And that is when you feel how the entire universe would be in sync to help and guide you through. Then there was this let-go wall where just pinning up a piece of paper could make you drop a part of yourself and hence leave you feeling lighter. Could they have made it simpler? But can letting go be this easy? 

Highway on one side brought back a sweet realization of how your own self comes out differently with varied people. How a meager truck driver, her kidnapper, could reach a under-zillion-covers part of soul so smoothly. Why does it happen that sometimes, words find their way into sentences themselves with some people even when they aren't supposed to? But rather isn't it surprising how he could exude this story from her like a thread coming out of the eye of a needle. Smoothly yet piercing right through the center without letting the needle feel it in spite of knowing it. Many such people would come in your life, altering it in their own unique way, leaving you a more beautiful soul and closer to self than before. As Murakami writes, 'What happens when people open their souls? They become better.'

I think I fall in love a little bit with anyone who shows me their soul. This world is so guarded and fearful. Ripping apart yourself and portraying your soul to someone is an art too. In the world where there are more conversations and less interactions, rawness is much more appreciated. You owe people around you your time as it is more precious than money today. Pause for a while and listen, observe them while they speak, try and see through their souls, show them a place called home.