Okay, so it has probably been the 9th time I'm opening this, typing a sentence, deleting it and logging out of Blogger. But today morning began with a promotional e-mail from Amazon with a subject, 'Today, do what you love!' and while I read through it, it was about ordering some books and nurture the love for reading. Though, I already have done my part for placing an order for some books, expected to arrive today, so I knew, I had to write something. And promised myself to not log out till I pen down a few words.
Year 2015, you haven't been that great. I lost a loved one. A loved one so close to heart that I have lost a part of me with him. So much so that, it seemed impossible to breathe even for a day on the face of Earth without him. But it was shocking at first and brutal a while later to see that the world continued. Continued in all its glory. Sun rose, flowers bloomed, stars continued to twinkle, people went to work, days passed on. And we seemed to breathe along too.
How could it happen? I questioned myself this. I questioned when I would wake up in the middle of the night, fighting nightmares and praying, I could go back to sleep. I questioned when I would look at his picture kept in my wallet, take a pause, talk to myself and shed some tears. I questioned when I stumbled upon healthy pictures of him, sparkling in the pink of his health, adding to the glory. I questioned when I had a doubt and the first thing that my mind exulted, "I'll ask him" but no sooner, the second thought cheeped in. I questioned when I looked at the date today and realized that it has been almost a month without him.
Whoever said that loss gets easier with time was a liar. Here's what really happens: The spaces between the times you miss them grow longer. Then, when you do remember to miss them again, it's still with a stabbing pain to the heart. And you have guilt. Guilt because it's been too long since you missed them last.
Nevertheless, he will forever be around. Standing silently, guiding us, doing his part as he as always done.
Year 2015, you haven't been that great. I lost a loved one. A loved one so close to heart that I have lost a part of me with him. So much so that, it seemed impossible to breathe even for a day on the face of Earth without him. But it was shocking at first and brutal a while later to see that the world continued. Continued in all its glory. Sun rose, flowers bloomed, stars continued to twinkle, people went to work, days passed on. And we seemed to breathe along too.
How could it happen? I questioned myself this. I questioned when I would wake up in the middle of the night, fighting nightmares and praying, I could go back to sleep. I questioned when I would look at his picture kept in my wallet, take a pause, talk to myself and shed some tears. I questioned when I stumbled upon healthy pictures of him, sparkling in the pink of his health, adding to the glory. I questioned when I had a doubt and the first thing that my mind exulted, "I'll ask him" but no sooner, the second thought cheeped in. I questioned when I looked at the date today and realized that it has been almost a month without him.
Whoever said that loss gets easier with time was a liar. Here's what really happens: The spaces between the times you miss them grow longer. Then, when you do remember to miss them again, it's still with a stabbing pain to the heart. And you have guilt. Guilt because it's been too long since you missed them last.
Nevertheless, he will forever be around. Standing silently, guiding us, doing his part as he as always done.
