This eve as I click on this "new post" button, I really have no idea, what am I gonna write? Many random thoughts that have, for long waited in the queue to be put into words. Anyways, firstly, 'je suis heureux' (I'm happy) because I successfully finished the third and last exam of my one year certificate course in the 'belle langue' (lovely language) of French! Really satisfying to see my known-languages-list expanding with one more precious member been added. :)
But as I proceed onto with this wow feeling in my life, there is something that has been lost in the past one year. As I got busy in creating my cute little world, full of friends, admirers and a long list of oh-so-important acquaintances, I lost a vital part of my earlier, dear-to-heart world. That now seems to be covered with some hasty and vacuous clouds. And this guilt is probably the reason for my sadness nowadays. This long lost connection with the earlier sweet world consisted being closer to MY-SELF and my family. In this race of winning hearts, I lost in touch with my own heart. I have almost forgotten it now. And the worst part is, neither did I win many hearts. Now, as I notice, I have started thinking with a hope to come out with something funny or witty or extraordinary so that people 'like' it or appreciate it. The mere way of my thinking is now being governed by how others respond to it, which is what is disconnecting it from my self. This attitude, in turn, frequently, rather very frequently throws me into a pool of GFN (Good-For-Nothing) and not-worth-for-anything stuff. Probably because now I judge myself by the standards as set by others, failing to realize, is it even right to give some blah blah people to judge MY life? Diminished and slowly lost contact with all the things that really please the inner "me"! :(
Writing and reading used to be my best past-time activities and now the time has come when I shamefully have to admit- Yes, I haven't read a good novel in a past couple of months! :( Writing- one thing where my heart and soul lies. Lame but this is the only answer to my inner consciousness' question- "I don't get time!" God! Do we really have to FIND time "to do" things that give us pleasure or should they be on the premier position of our priority list? And actually when I write, I internally feel happy! As I'm now! :) Well, as I proceed with my blog, I actually find the back-answers to all the lame reasoning that has been my support system lately. Being surrounded by mobile phones and facebook, all available at my fingertips just for the heck of some silly on-the-spur enjoyment and establishing contacts, I've actually lost contact with the supreme power too. Yet again most shamefully, I admit- I've been quite recently skipping my prayers. Coming and going of guilt has been now a common thing now. Though, thanks to Almighty, His blessings and faith is always there with me. But why the hell does this faith find its path through prayers only on exam and special days? This thing is actually responsible for the void.
And there is particularly no one to blame. It's just ME, who changed the drift of life, changing the priorities, basking in those not-so-lasting happy memos which really used to give me satisfaction! And I really don't know, how far will the life and my thinking change from now on! But at least, now whenever, I again begin to give some useless reason to anything, I'll surely be reminded of what my heart spoke out today! Isn't it that the real celebration in life begins when I'm closer to three people in the world- God, Me and Myself! :) So it's never to late, to reopen the closed gate!
Some very beautiful words mentioned in equally beautiful song - Human by The Killers
Close your eyes, clear your heart
Cut the cord
Are we human or are we dancer?
And truly, clearly analysing the words, makes me feel that I actually made myself dance on the tunes of this air headed and shallow world instead of making it dance to the tunes of the Creator! Hope to get back to the track, though it's difficult to shape the life and thinking in totally different way because now my definition of happiness and bliss is as per this "new" but "old" world (of course, it has been with me since two years now). Keeping my fingers crossed and hoping that really some angel or fairy with a good soul is sitting besides my laptop reading this, helps me out in filtering and clearing out my life! :)
